I would like to write a story that is very sensitive to me. The piece below contains part of my story, but I would also like to tell you how you can recognise it and what you can do to prevent it. I feel this subject should get more attention.
It was the year 2006, I met him (how appropriate) through my ex. His name was Tom, an intelligent 18 year old man. I was 17 at the time. His appearance soon overwhelmed me, from the moment we kissed for the first time. Everything speeded up including our first argument. It was about a very minor problem. I received a text message from a good friend of mine and Tom noticed this and snatched the phone from my hand and started yelling at me what did I think I was playing at? Was there somebody else? Was I cheating on him ? He called me almost every name under the sun. I mumbled in a soft voice: "it's just a friend that's all! Just another male friend of mine." I started crying with fear, but that didn't interest Tom at all, he twisted the story around to suit himself, he yelled at me for an hour and threatened me.
All the time I was trying my best to convince him that I was not seeing anyone else. It was a nightmare being belittled in that way, this was just the beginning.
The start of a lot of trouble
That is the way I got to know him, a quiet boy who could 'change' suddenly. Somewhere deep down I had the feeling that he wasn't the right boy for me, but I was paralysed with fear. I noticed just how mean he really could be.
Often he would say the most terrible things to me, for instance, how stupid was I? What did I think? You can't do anything! are just a few of the things he said to me. He would also play games with me, but he was the only one who knew the rules.These were also called power games, where I was always the victim. Step by step he started controlling my life.
He made all the decisions for me, he controlled what clothes I wore, the things i did, in short , he started controlling my entire life. Before i knew it I became an exact double of him without my own opinion or any form of realisation.
He had taken over my life completely.
Does this sound familiar to you?
The treatment above is also known as mental abuse, which means that your entire personality is supressed.
The victim becomes an exact copy of him in mind as well as in behaviour. The victim is constantly humiliated, dragged down and broken down.
The consequences are more severe than you can imagine, because nobody notices it. You are torn apart from the inside and it causes emotional damage. People who are exposed to emotional violence can sometimes develop personality problems or suffer an identity-crisis. The victim becomes emotionally dependent on the purpetrator. The purpetrator makes sure she is afraid of him, so she won't telll anyone what's happening to her.
The purpetrator makes her think it's all her fault . That's how the victim ends up in a vicious circle. In most cases, emotional violence takes on more extreme forms such as sexual abuse or physical abuse. Sometimes even the smallest things can lead to a reason for him to lose his temper.
Signs of emotional violence within a relationship
-What the victim thinks and feels doesn't matter, her needs are not taken into consideration.
- The other person decides everything for the victim, things she eats, where she works, how she dresses.
In short: everything in her life is controlled by him .
- The victims family and friends are constantly criticised behind their backs, he tries to ensure that you have no contact with them.
- In most cases the partner is (insanely) jealous.
- The victim gets blamed for everything that goes wrong, even when she can't do anything about it.
- The victim is belittled in the presence of family and friends.
- The victim is constantly exposed to his rules, he also continuously checks up on the victim.
- Financial manners are taken out of the victims hands.
- The victim is not allowed to work, she is not even allowed out of the house.
Things you can do when somebody is being mentally abused
The following things are advisable to do in case of mental abuse:
- Confide in someone, this can be your parents, another relative or friends.
- File a complaint with the police, mental abuse is a crime.
- You can call the following number, this is a special number for all forms of violence from emotional violence to physcal and sexual violence . Tel:0900-1262626
When you call that number you are patched through to specially trained people who can offer you a way to get out of the situation. You can even call anonymously.
Sources: www.todio.nl
This is not what I'm searching for.
Homepage
Search
Subscribe
React
Report mistakes
Report abuse